


Once Upon a Lifetime

by iridescent_halo



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, M/M, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-08
Updated: 2020-04-08
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:08:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23546662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iridescent_halo/pseuds/iridescent_halo
Summary: In a world where finding and falling in love with your soulmate paints your world in colour, Jaehyun finds out how life washes the colours out.
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Lee Taeyong
Comments: 4
Kudos: 45





	Once Upon a Lifetime

It happened when Jaehyun was nineteen. Innocence intact and so pure at heart, he'd never imagine three years later he'd have to make peace with demons he didn't sign up for. He's always been a romantic; he has ideals and dreams that stem from so much that he'd seen and read. He's always been so soft that his mother would fuss over him a bit more, take a little more time to talk him through how he should never push a friend but how he should never take a hit in silence. She'd wanted him to be soft but resilient. Loving, but with edges a little rough.

Jaehyun imagined colours all his life. He's learned the theories, the combinations, every detail that ranges from what he'd say to his soulmate when he finally sees the world just how it's meant to be for the first time, to why the rainbow is more precious than the hypothetical pot of gold at the far end of it. Jaehyun dreams. He's been preparing himself for that one moment in his life that would make everything flip over and plummet into chaos but only for the better. He has heard of unloved soulmates, has had sleepless nights over it, but _hey, it's only a lifetime, surely he couldn't be that unlucky?_ He hopes and prays that whoever it is he finds, whoever it is that shows him sunsets, will love him without condition or reasons. To him, that's how soulmates are supposed to be.

Except when it happens, there's fireworks and music and so much noise. The sensory overload and the suffocation that comes with people moving like swarms of bees, buzzing and swaying about terribly irritates him. But maybe that wasn't the only reason he'd been feeling so strung out. Maybe he saw a blue shirt and a worried face, which is weird because he doesn't even know what blue looks like. He thinks that maybe there were fingers pressed to his nape, and words that sounded vaguely like _are you okay?_ rang in his ear. His footsteps swung and his shoes seemed to scrape too hard on the floor. Carnivals aren't his thing anyway so why was he here? He just smiles and makes a beeline for his family. He still doesn't know what blue looks like.

When he wakes up, he sees red. A nosebleed. A fever. "When did you meet your soulmate?" Jaehyun can't give an answer to the doctor, who stares him down in pity because _how could he have been so careless?_ He looks out the window instead. _Have the trees always been so... green?_ He knows that finding your soulmate isn't always pleasant. Your senses heighten, your eyes adjust, your brain comprehends the new information all at once. _It can take a toll on the body,_ but Jaehyun knows that much. But he didn't realize what was happening until it was all over.

He doesn't think much of it in the following weeks. Doesn't have much of a choice either. In a world so vast, how is he supposed to find one person he met by accident, and that too at a carnival no less? The new semester rolls around like leaves turning over. He doesn't realize how much time has passed until he's gone through days after days, through weeks that turn to months. He doesn't know when he stopped asking his mom to describe colours. He doesn't realize he'd stop hoping and dreaming altogether. The blotches of colour do nothing but fuel his disappointment. He can only wonder if his soulmate feels as let-down as he does.

Jaehyun was nineteen and a little hopeless. A bit naive, but he's never known when to give up either. When it happens he chokes on a can of energy drink, fizz and sugar down his throat. In front of him, stands Lee Taeyong, second year dance major, in a green hoodie that looks too big for his frame. And oh my god, he's laughing at Jaehyun. "It took forever to find you, you can't die now!" He never stops laughing, not even as they sat down together on the sidewalk next to the convenience store, uncaring of the poor souls roaming for a breath of fresh air and a time out from the heavy burden of finals week. His laugh is airy and light, and his eyes crinkle when he tries to explain how confused Jaehyun had made him half a year ago without wheezing from laughter. He has a scar by his right eye. Jaehyun wonders how he got it, and why it's so deep. But Taeyong has so much to say, so much to unpack and so many stories to tell. Jaehyun just keeps smiling because Taeyong's hair is blue. Does Taeyong know that his hair is blue? "Your hair is blue." His breath comes out in small cloudy puffs. "Yeah, like your shirt that day." And Jaehyun can only stare in awe; he didn't know he was wearing blue as well. He later finds out that Taeyong had been seeing more colours than Jaehyun. Love at first sight? The poor boy can only dream.

Jaehyun only sees all possible colours about two months later. It'd been a wondrous adventure trying to differentiate between fuschia and hot pink, between lavender and lilac, between teal and jade. Taeyong's smile wraps around his heart and squeezes tight, until his chest constricts and all he can do is smile back until his cheeks hurt. "You have dimples. Oh my god you have dimples!" Taeyong gets excited over everything.

Everything about Taeyong screams sunshine. He's a ball of energy that can't seem to realise his limits. But Jaehyun has always been calm and collected, maybe that's where they fit. Maybe they're supposed to balance each other out. Taeyong becomes the light that makes Jaehyun see the world so differently. Jaehyun mostly became Taeyong's impulse control. Sometimes he'd wonder if there ever was a time before Taeyong. He doesn't remember how the world looked without him in it. And Jaehyun falls in love with a boy whose hair has become every shade of the rainbow in less than a year. Taeyong holds onto the boy whose soul should never be tainted with ill intentions, and whose heart he swears to never break. He binds around Jaehyun's being and lets himself be molded.

When Jaehyun turns twenty, Taeyong shows him his tattoos. Two little words just above his elbows: _Under, Stand._ Then a small one of his dog, Ruby. And just by his ribs, a tiny dragon. Everything about Taeyong leaves Jaehyun in awe. There's so much detail and so much to nitpick that Jaehyun doesn't think a lifetime is enough to figure him out. Taeyong who gets up an hour earlier to feed stray dogs is the same Taeyong that laughs at him for getting the foam from his coffee on his cheeks. He's the same Taeyong that won't let him get an extra box of mac n' cheese because, "It's not healthy, Yoonoh," but he'll sneak in an extra tub of his favourite ice cream while Jaehyun's not looking. Everything about him, from his cheekiness to his stubborn mind that can never be moved, Jaehyun finds endearing. A lifetime will never be enough.

As humans we seem to think there's a natural course of life. Of acceptable lifestyles, behaviour, and some sort of unspoken code of conduct. Something obstructs us from moving past the idealistic conformities and pleasantries. That's the first mistake Jaehyun makes in his life. He moves in with his soulmate, who has just graduated, and he himself in his last year. At the time, he'd thought that that was all there was left to do. He knows all that there is to know about Taeyong, they're soulmates, they're in love, and the list goes on. They justify and validate their abatement to the norms. They're happy, and that's all that matters.

Except the months go by and it's two years later that Jaehyun can't seem to grasp what's wrong. Taeyong works full time, while Jaehyun works here and there, but hands never void of projects as a cinematographer. They're stable, but it feels like that's all there is to it. Stagnation feels terrible and it simmers in his mouth. _Why do you look at me like I'm not enough?_ Jaehyun can't ask because it's not his place. Maybe Taeyong's just going through a tough spot, a slump. He'll talk to Jaehyun when he wants to. It's just that nothing about their life changes. Taeyong is still as sweet, his laughter still bubbles over, leaves his lungs in waves and clings onto Jaehyun's heart. But something shifted in the air and Jaehyun can't seem to swallow around the lump in his throat.

The dam breaks when Jaehyun turns twenty two. "I'll see you in the evening." But Taeyong leaves for his classes at 3pm and comes home at 7pm. By that time Jaehyun is busy and nose-deep into work, and doesn't really lets himself go to bed without completing at least a significant amount of it. And by the time he heads to bed, Taeyong is up for his morning classes; it mostly consists of yoga moms that are too scared of doing actual yoga, but they listen well and the pay's great. And when Taeyong's home, Jaehyun has to head to the makeshift office at Johnny's. "Love you." He just hopes he gets the message across without the kisses, because Taeyong's showering and if Jaehyun wastes even a minute more, he's gonna be late and that's never a good impression on clients. Maybe Jaehyun should have wasted that minute. Or maybe he should have wasted many more minutes.

When it happens, Jaehyun vaguely recalls Robert J. Sternberg's Theory of Love; intimacy, passion, commitment, and all that they entail. Jaehyun vaguely recalls how love works according to that theory. He'd never given it much thought, but now it's all he can recall. He doesn't know where he falls, but he slowly realizes why Taeyong is still in the kitchen, making breakfast on a Sunday. It's more of a brunch by then, but Sundays are the only days they get a full twenty four hours to themselves. It was supposed to be a passing comment, just a remark, something so harmless that Jaehyun should not have pondered over. "You always look good in grey." Taeyong had smiled. His eyes still sparkled and his giggle still tugged at Jaehyun's heartstrings. But Jaehyun's wearing a blue t-shirt. What confuses him the most is that Taeyong never looks at him any different. His petite face beams and his eyes are as kind as ever. He still holds Jaehyun by his fingers and his touches are still as careful. But Jaehyun knows deep down that this is hurting Taeyong more than it hurts him. _When did it happen?_ But Jaehyun still can't ask. Because once he puts those words out in the open, he can never take them back. Once he admits that his shirt is blue and Taeyong succumbs, all of Jaehyun's lifelong fears will become a reality. Maybe that's why Taeyong hasn't said anything, because he doesn't want to be someone who fell out of love with his soulmate, and mostly because he's scared he'll be the one responsible for the fact that Jaehyun is unloved. But Jaehyun knows that whatever it is that happened to Taeyong's feelings, it's not his fault. It has to be Jaehyun's. But an apology could never fix a crumbling love. So, instead, Jaehyun takes Taeyong's silence as the last remnants of what once was his. He swallows the questions and lets it burn his core. It's only a lifetime. And it's the only one they get. They'll make it work, somehow. If Taeyong realizes that the tone of the shirt is too pale to be grey, he doesn't comment on it. And if he sees Jaehyun silently cry into his coffee, he doesn't say anything.

**Author's Note:**

> So, I'd just like to clarify that 'colourless' doesn't necessarily mean that they don't see colour. It's just washed out and the primary colours and some secondary colours are in a slight greyscale.


End file.
